We Should Wonder Why They Don't. . .

I admit it: I'm a Grey's Anatomy fan. But I am a fan for a reason other than the obvious McDreamy or McSteamy sightings, or for the medical drama (I know it's fake blood, but my mind doesn't always believe what my eyes are seeing). No, I'm a Grey's Anatomy fan for Meredith's introductions and conclusions (I'm sure there is a technical TV name for these, but I don't know it) on each show. I'm a fan because I think it's genius that all of the episode titles are song titles, and how each episode has a connection to the song title and hence Meredith's introductions and conclusions.

My favorite Meredith conclusion was from last season. She said something like : we shouldn't wonder why people go crazy in this world; we should wonder why they don't.

She was talking about all of the things that we have the risk of losing each day. And it's true--when we think about all that we could lose in a day (family members, sight, hearing, jobs, best friends, pets, our lives, etc) it is amazing that we all don't go crazy more often. So I like to remind myself that it's okay to worry a little or fret some because it's true--I do have a lot to lose in this life. But I also have a lot of reasons to celebrate and be joyful! And that is usually much more fun than worrying. . .

"You'll understand someday . . . "

Like any caring parents would, my mother and father always had (and still has) some key phrases. They'd usually say them when trying to make a point or teaching me a lesson. "Slow down", "It's not what you say; it's how you say it", "don't put all of your eggs in one basket" are among my favorites. And like any caring parents, they usually said, "You'll understand someday when you're a parent". Currently, I am not a parent. And I am not sure I will ever be, but I think I understand what they were saying: parenting is the hardest job a person can ever have. It's quite possibly the least and most rewarding job all wrap into one. Typically a person doesn't get paid to be a parent--he/she has to pay to do it--has to pay a lot. Not to mention that it comes with little to no training. I often tell my students that I have more training (two degrees and countless hours of practice) to be their teacher than their parents have to be parents. It doesn't matter if you have an older brother/sister, you are a different person and require a different set of parent skills than your siblings. Strategies, rewards, or punishments that worked with one child, often do not work with the other, so parents are left to go to their (limited) bag of tricks and keep trying until they find one that works--much like I do as a teacher of 150 students each year. I deeply believe I wouldn't be the teacher I am today without my parent's love, support and, of course, key phrases. I don't even cringe when I hear myself say them to my students. I just smile and say, "thanks, mom and dad".

Any Suggestions?

I often claim that I am trying to find a hobby. I'm not a real crafty-type person (as demonstrated by my recent attempt at a birthday card where I didn't even get a sympathy, "it's nice" from my best friends--just an "auh, no"). I clearly don't have the patience or the outdoor knowledge to fish like my very patient, smart, and dedicated husband. I like to read, but I'm currently reading The Great Gatsby for the 8th time while completing 10th grade for 5th time. In my line of work, reading is required and laborious. The concept of reading for fun during the school year doesn't exist for me. I couldn't imagine picking up a "fun book" when I know I have other books to prep for, lessons to think through, and papers to grade piling up on my desk.

In desperation once I flipped through the local parks and recreation brochure. There were the usual Jazzercize classes and knitting groups. And then there was an odd course description that caught my eye: Raising Chickens in the City. Now I laughed, promptly forwarded the information to my friends, and snickered everytime I thought of people actually attending a class that teaches a person how to raise chickens when all he/she has is an alley instead of an attached garage. But the truth of the matter is: I am jealous. I'm jealous of that person that gets passionate enough about something he/she wants to teach a class on it--ridiculous as it sounds to the rest of us. Now I'm not saying I don't have any passions. I have plenty of those--don't get me started on my passion for education. Yes, it's my job, but it's a passion that runs deep within my soul. But it's not my hobby. It's not something I do in my spare time. It is certainly the reason I typically don't have have any spare time, though. So perhaps my search isn't really for a hobby. Just more time. And when I find that spare time, it'd sure be nice to have a hobby to fill it with. Any suggestions?

Tis the Season

There are some holiday traditions a person shouldn't mess with. Turkey and Pumpkin Pie would be one example. Having potato salad instead of mash potatoes at Christmas (sorry, Grandma, I've forgiven you, but haven't forgot) would be another. And then there are traditions that are okay to change. Both sides of our families are changing. New people are being added, some people have left, the economy is a mess, and people's time and energy are different than it was when I was a kid. Sometimes things have to change. And as traditional as I may be sometimes (auh, potato example, for instance), I like creating new traditions, too.

Like yesterday. Husband Joe and I spent the day, solely together, transforming our house into a holiday zone. We reorganized the living room to put up our tree, we laughed as we hung decorations from our childhood (the Q-tip snowflake with my photo in the middle was Joe's favorite), we baked and decorated way more cookies than two people ever need in the house, all the while listening to the same Christmas songs on KOOL-108. At one point, as I was taking the 8th tray out of cookies out of the oven, I had a glimpse. A glimpse of this day years in the future. I didn't see many specifics, but I saw that this day had become ours. The location may change, children may be singing along to the Christmas songs (eck!), pets could be running around, but this glimpse cemented in my heart that this day is a new tradition for our family. One that is probably here to stay.

Just Say It

Please, just say it.

Why is that we as people can’t just say what we want to say? Why do we have to tell people we are going to say something? I teach English. No, correction, I teach high school students. And more than three times a day I hear, “Mrs. O, I have question”. My response is always the same, “I have an answer”. It usually catches my students off guard and they laugh a little realizing what I just said. That’s right: don’t tell me you have a question, ask me the question. Don’t tell me you need to tell me something, just tell me. Don’t say, “this might offend you”, just offend me. Don’t tell me that something reminds you of something, show me how or why it does.

And what is with people who feel the need to announce what they are going to do? “I’m going to the bathroom”. Okay, go. At the doctor’s office recently the technologist described every move she was about to commit to my already pained leg. Don’t tell me that you are going to inflict pain on me, just inflict the pain and be done with it.

And what about people who talk just for the sake of talking? Recently a student yelled across the room “Mrs. O, she (girl in class) called me an asshole”. My response, “Well, are you one?”. It took the student a second, and then he said, “Yes, I guess I was being one”. Now I could have yelled at both students for using inappropriate language in class, but my hunch (and it was confirmed) was that this individual needed some sort of attention right then and he used words to gain it.

Do we as people (and yes, I’m including myself in this group because I’m guilty of it, too) add in fillers because we are afraid of what we are going to say? Perhaps we need the fillers because we don’t really stop to think about what we want to say, so by providing a filler we can buy ourselves time to edit our thoughts? Do we say things just for the sake of filling air, so we don’t have to sit and think?

Silence seems to be both sacred and feared for people. When too many people are talking or someone is recklessly using words, I get annoyed. And yet, when people keep quiet, I think they are judging me or my words. Therefore, I think we should just say what we need to say.

There, I just said it.

Here I Am

I never really thought that I'd be here. Here being online blogging. But I realized something earlier this week while teaching AP Composition: I miss writing. I use to write journals, upon journals, as a teenager. Stories about drama with friends, a day at work at the community center, and my fears and thoughts about the future, boys, and my life. In college, I wrote out of necessity. English majors tend to do that. I defined myself as a writer the semester I had four English classes and wrote 35 papers in 15 weeks. Some were thought-provoking, while others were hot of the printer as I walked into class. After college, during my first few years in the "real world", I wrote e-mails. E-mails to friends and family were my outlet for expressing thoughts, feelings, concerns.

And then life as an English teacher took over. I often tell people that teaching isn't a job, it's a lifestyle. I've always known I've been an effective writer (I hate the word good), but when I spend 7 hours a day for 9 months a year looking at ineffective writing, I forget. Until now. This is my first semester teaching AP Composition and it has done many things for my teaching and thinking, both professionally and personally. And the one I'm most thankful for now is the desire to write again. So we'll see how this "blog thing" goes. I have a lot of questions, comments, concerns, and smart alec remarks about the world around me, so here is to a new chapter of writing in my life.